


a tiny glimmer of hope

by ChuganiiMogi



Series: Bandori but with problems [3]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: A different take on Kokoro, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, But it isnt really mentioned, Could be continued but idrk, Cuz I'm a huge fan of it lol, Depression, F/F, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have insomniA, I think it was 3am when I finished and posted kk, Identity Issues, It's 6am, Just tell me if you want more idrk, Kanon has anxiety, Kaoru has real problems, Misaki doesnt seem to have problems tbh, One-Shot, Pills, Please dear god help me, Same for Hagumi, Social Anxiety, Tbh I was feeling emo, You might also get Bloom Into You Vibes btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 22:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19485259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChuganiiMogi/pseuds/ChuganiiMogi
Summary: A different take on Kokoro. Tbh, I started this last year, when I heard my cousin(who had depression) was energetic and was fidgety because of pills he had to take.Then I came up with this emo crap. Where everyone but Misaki has problems. WhOoPS. Not sure if I will continue, so teehee





	a tiny glimmer of hope

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy, but at the same time lol
> 
> Also, warning - I literally spewed out whatever came to mind, my tired brain died inside tbh, so sometimes the transition between paragraphs is rough, sorry bwoys gwirls and nonbinwary pwals. Another note: If the writing style abruptly changed in the middle of the story, I'm really sorry, I started and finished multiple months apart so my writing style changed in-between those timelines. (Checked it, I first started writing it back in December 30th, 2018 and finished + posted it on July 5th, 2019. Whoops)

Kokoro sighed as she laid in bed staring at the ceiling of her room. _What time is it again?_ Looking over to her nightstand, she took note of the time. _6:00… I don’t want to get ready, yet._

The blonde winced at her thought process, _Dumb me. I can’t even get up when I need to. So useless…_

A knock on her bedroom door took her attention and she heard one of the suits call, “Miss, please get up and get ready for today, your mother and father are also reminding you to remember to take your prescriptions.”

“Okay, thanks, suit!” Kokoro said, forcing some cheeriness in her voice. She didn’t even need to do that, but it was for practice. The more practice the better, after all. Shakily, the Tsurumaki pushed herself up, throwing her legs off of the bed and walking towards her bathroom.

After showering, dressing and brushing her teeth, she slowly opened a drawer and took out the prescription given to her from the family doctor to treat her depression.

_I hate how energetic these make me,_ her thoughts groaned. She opened the bottle anyways and took one pill into her hands, staring at it in distaste. She grabbed the water bottle on her nightstand after walking out of the washroom to get it. Hesitantly, she took the drug into her mouth before gulping down her water and placing it back onto the nightstand.

_Dumb pills, how do they give me joy?_ She scrunched her nose up as she walked back into her room, already feeling the effects slowly taking place.

_I might as well be a raging drunk,_ Kokoro sighed, fixing the wrinkles on her uniform, _Everybody thinks I’m a freak already anyways._

A looming feeling rested in her stomach before it was pushed away just as fast as it came and Kokoro suddenly couldn’t stop moving her body, walking out of her room and bounding down the stairs as she grinned brightly.

“Good morning!” Kokoro hummed to the maids as she skipped into the dining room where her mother and father were sitting quietly at the table waiting for her.

“Good morning,” Kokoro said, brightening up and her cheeks hurting as she waved at them, sitting down next to her mother.

Her hands were fidgety and she tapped softly on the tabletop as her parents greeted her back.

“Kokoro,” Her father spoke up after the food was served and they were ready to eat, “Your mother and I need to go on another business trip to Korea, be good while we’re gone.”

“Yes, sir,” She replied, smiling at him, and some loneliness creeped in, even if a little, “Of course I will.”

“And remember,” Her mother reminded, “If you feel as if anything is too much to you, go to the suits and then give us a call. Also, your prescriptions, and if your little _band_ needs fixing up, don’t hesitate to get the suits to take care of them.”

“Yes, mother,” She repeated the phrase albeit with her mom, “I won’t hesitate to get the suits when I need help.”

_Even though they’ll stick in my business with or without the need of help,_ Kokoro thought dryly, finishing up her food and checking the time. The tension was thick to the point she couldn’t stand it. _It’s a little too early, but I can take a detour to Kanon’s place which would give me an alibi and get us to school in time._

“I have to go now,” Kokoro mentioned, standing up and saying her goodbyes to the both of them, “Have a nice trip.”

She then skipped out the front door a few minutes later, her mother and father getting into their limo.

Skipping to Kanon’s house, the two met up and walked to school together.

The rest of her school day went by in a blur, with her classes spent normally - getting called out for being far too distracting to other students, being avoided, and trying hard not to stare at Misaki during class.

Band practice soon came along, with the group trying to make up ideas for their next live show. Hagumi and Kokoro got along well at least, though Hagumi’s case for being bright and energetic was far different from Kokoro’s. They both understood each other enough though, whereas Kokoro just had her pills that’d make her act high, Hagumi was a spiraling ball of energy - her own self being a distraction away from her troubling life, her annoyingly selfish parents that could care less about their own children and more about their own affairs.

The silent promise between the both of them worked out well enough, they didn’t need to have the talk, they were both easy distractions for each other, it was a messy gravelly path that led them both away from the promises of misery in the future, even if eventually, it’d just make them end back up at the start.

So they acted like ditzes, Kokoro was thankful that the pill helped with that.

“Kokoro!” Misaki exasperatedly threw her hands up, then sternly, “We are not flying for our next live.”

Kokoro smiled - she had really no problem smiling for her. Misaki was her sun, after all. She never held back how she thought, didn’t hide, and even if Kokoro was a freak - and she knew it - stayed. Sometimes, Kokoro wished Misaki liked her, she only let that slither of hope into her heart, then pushed it away. Kokoro didn’t want Misaki’s love if she were being honest.

She couldn’t hope that because she wanted the best for Misaki, and she didn’t want to give Misaki something she hated.

“But we could be like birds and flying is a great way to capture the audience's attention!” She giggled, discreetly wiping the sweat off of her hands onto her denim shorts from how nervous she felt from that mere interaction with Misaki. She focused in on another person, “Righty, Kanon?”

The girl in question blinked rapidly, cheeks flaring up, “Heh???”

Dear sweet Kanon, she was one of the greatest people ever in Kokoro’s opinion. She never talked behind Kokoro’s back or said crude things about her. She never actually expected much from anyone or dug into anybody’s business. She just stayed quiet and voiced her opinion only when asked. Kanon was nice. Kanon didn’t care much about Kokoro herself. She was kind.

“Do you think flying is a good idea?” Kokoro repeated grinning at her. Kanon blushed, ducking her head.

“W-Well-”

Misaki cut in, “Okay, that isn’t fair when you know you’ll just convince her to agree!” She argued, “Besides, I- Michelle isn’t going to be able to DJ if she’s flying!”

That little slip-up was a normal occurrence. Kokoro knew, of course. Even if she was actually a ditz, she’d pick up that Michelle wasn’t a real bear. Kokoro, after all, observes Misaki whenever she has the chance.

“Ah, but it’d be fleeting if we flew, like gorgeous doves!” A voice spoke up, confidence filling their tone. Kaoru, she must have just arrived.

The prince Kaoru, fancy Kaoru. Kokoro liked her. She had problems too, even if it was harder to notice. People wanted so much from her, just because she was tall and looked handsome if she wanted. She was more well-liked due to being a people pleaser. Though, because of that, she overused quotes, flirted with nearly everyone, and didn’t know for the life of her how to actually be herself. She didn’t know who she truly was. Though, her acting was exceptional - Kokoro couldn’t tell for a while that she had those problems until a tiny slip-up Kaoru made while talking to Kanon. It was a tiny one, sure, but Kaoru misquoted one of her sayings, a peek of shame flashing over her eyes until they hardened and pushed through.

Kokoro was only suspicious, until Misaki asked Kaoru if she could say something non-royally. Her jaw clenched then and there, Kokoro could tell and uncertainty was obvious in her features.

Kaoru and Kokoro didn’t share enough in common for her to open up though. So Kokoro let her be, Kanon would deal with her. After all, the two have obviously made their own little pact, and Kokoro didn’t trust herself enough not to potentially destroy the two’s fragile relationship.

“Right, Kaoru,” Misaki sarcastically said, “I’m sure you’d love being away from the ground and people, really.”

Kaoru’s lips twitched downwards, but then casually quirked up, “Yes, as the great bard once said, ‘Reputation is an idle and most false imposition-”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you there, because that isn’t anything the great bard has even said,” Misaki groaned, but sharply turned to Kokoro again, “And my answer is final, we can’t fly during our next performance. What we can do is make, say, a song themed about flying or whatever.”

Kokoro grinned, “Really? That’s actually a good idea! Come on Misaki, I already have an idea!!!”

And the rest of the band practice went on with Misaki listening to Kokoro humming. To be completely honest, whenever this happened, Kokoro just dozed off, humming whatever music came to mind, but being careful enough that it wasn’t another song they’ve composed.

Misaki really impressed her when it came to writing lyrics. She wrote lyrics that really brought out the best of Hello, Happy World! even though she says she has problems with it.

Hello, Happy World! was a band name that popped into Kokoro’s mind on impulse. She wanted people that were happy in the world so that people like her - background characters, were brightened up by those happy people. She wanted children, people in general to not suffer like her or those other people.

The day came to an end. Kokoro came back to a home devoid of any actual emotion. Devoid of family. The suits weren’t her friends. Merely her servants that were at her feet, awaiting commands like puppies eager to please. Maids weren’t trustworthy, only desperate for money to make a living. Everyone else was shut out or too unimportant.

Kokoro felt empty yet again.  


**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I may or may not continue. I was planning to, but I'm not good at writing multi-chaps
> 
> EDIT: Continued (kind of) and transferred into a [multiple one-shot series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1412539), (Put in pairs with two one-shots from the same timeline as the other with two povs - one side of the story in each) All one-shots in said series will most likely end in ambiguous/open endings in which the reader can interpret how their story progresses. I might continue this specific au-ish one-shot and follow up with more one-shots for Misakoko, but for now we'll stick to the reader's imagination :) Please enjoy, thanks!


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